Sight problems
by Felidae1
Summary: It´s alive-err, sorry, I mean, finished! Last two chapters up! Please R
1. Default Chapter

This story came to my mind, after reading a 'What women want' parody.  
It's naughty, and the 'f' word, among some others will appear, aswell   
as a little smut, though there's nothing graphic.  
Warning: If you're a Ro/Lo, Logan/Jean shipper, go away.   
This is only for die-hard W&J fans!  
  
Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, all Marvel, no money,   
no sue, yadda, yadda, yadda.  
  
Summary: After a mission, Wolverine suddenly sees things different...a lot.  
  
Reviews: Pleeeaaaase, I'm starving for these sweet pats on the back(or kicks in the butt,   
I don't care, I'll take what comes)!  
Now, read and enjoy!  
#############################################################################  
Sight problems  
  
It was the average 'get-into-your-uniform-and-hand-the-bad-guys-their-butts-on-a-plate'-fight.  
Although they were about a two-hundred and fifty of them, their only talents   
seemed to be to get into each other's ways and make corny comments about the girl's outfits.  
Storm blew her fuse, when the eighteenth asked her if she wore a push-up.  
Creating a huge cloud, she let loose a giant lightning bolt, after   
mentally warning her teammates via Jean.  
Sadly enough, Wolverine was too occupied with fighting, to hear the warning in time,   
but looked up-and straight into the blinding white light.  
  
A few minutes later, while the others were busy wrapping up the whimpering goons,   
Wolverine lay, blinking desperately, with his head in Phoenix' lap.  
"How are you, Logan?" asked the redhead, never paying mind to the glares Cyclops shot her.  
"Fine, I guess, aside of these lil' bugs behind my lids", muttered the feral.  
Storm was hovering above the two like a nervous cluck.  
"Oh Logan, I am so sorry! I thought, you heard my call.   
I never would have blinded you by surpose!"   
"No prob, darlin', my healing factor can cope with it. I can already see yer cape   
flappin' in the wind", replied the feral.   
"Dat be mon manteau, mon ami", stated Gambit, more than a little worried.   
  
Back home, after a small check-up by Hank and the confirmation, all would turn out well,   
Logan decided, it was best to go to sleep.  
Especially, since Bobby found it funny, to lay things in his way and watch him trip over them.  
So, after literally kissing dirt for the fifth time, Wolverine made his way to his bed.  
Surely by morning, his sight would have restored itself.  
  
*~  
  
Yawning, Logan rubbed his face and rolled out of bed.  
He slowly opened his eyes, let them roam through the sun-flooded room, and smiled smugly.  
"Told ya so, ain't nothin' my healing factor can't cope with."  
Stepping out of his room, he heard Storm coming his way.  
Logan turned around to greet her-and his jaw fell through the floor.  
Storm was naked!  
Ok, she often wore close to nothing, but never inside the house, except for her room.  
Logan closed his eyes and opened them again, finally realizing, that she indeed wore her   
'say-good-morning-to-the-goddess'-robe, only, that it was somehow..invisible now.  
And he noticed something else:  
She was shaved.   
Her white pubic hair had been trimmed down to a small lightning bolt, and Logan wondered,   
if she had done it herself.  
Of course, Ororo noticed his shocked expression, and asked anxiously:  
"Are you alright, my friend?"  
He gave small squeal, and said the first thing that came to his mind:  
"I..is that..new?"  
Smiling, Storm rearranged her robe, and replied:  
"This old, faded thing? Surely not, Logan. Why do you ask?"  
Gulping, he managed:  
"Looks... nice. Really nice."  
Storm laughed amused, and hooked him under.  
"Compliments before breakfast? That is indeed new. And here is where I thought,   
you could not surprise me anymore."  
As they walked downstairs, Logan cursed his small height, because it brought him   
face-to-chest with Storm.  
A very voluminous, and very bare chest.  
  
  
Entering the kitchen, Logan stopped dead in his tracks, when he saw Rogue, Kurt,   
Jean and Scott sitting at the table.  
With a growled "good morning" he entered, trying as hard as possible not to ogle   
the southern belle and the psychic.  
Of course, his filthy mind betrayed him.  
It started to compare sizes, as he headed towards the coffee pot on the counter.  
He grabbed and filled a cup, then emptied it in one large gulp.  
Cocking a brow, Scott rose and, offering him a platter of fried eggs and meat, asked:  
"Sausage?"  
Wolverine stared at him, dropped his mug, shrieked and then ran screaming out the door.  
Gawking after the feral, he muttered:  
"How did he know, it was Jean's turn for breakfast?"   
  
*****************************************************************************  
Like? Hate? Just drop me a line-pwease? 


	2. Should have seen it coming

Since you like this story so much, I'll try to add new chapters as soon as possible.  
Now go on and play-err, enjoy!  
Thanks to all for the kind reviews. Don't be shy, do it again(blush)!  
#######################################################################################  
Should have seen it coming  
________________________________  
Wolverine positively tried to drown himself in the lake, by washing his eyes out.  
He seriously considered lobotomyizing himself through his nostrils, just to get rid of the  
horrible memory.  
Logan knew, he would never be able to look at a hot dog the same way-let alone Scott.  
Now at least he knew, why Cyke was so tigthly wound:  
Because beneath the loose boxers with the Bugs-Bunny-print, the fearless leader sported a   
black leather thong, that was defininitly *not* a cloathing item.  
Trembling, Logan decided to spend the rest of his life in the woods-or at least, until whatever   
affected his eyes, wore off.  
At that moment, the professor's voice sounded through his mind:  
"To the War Room, my X-Men. Another fight awaits you."  
Logan whimpered, as his bad day just took a turn for the worse.  
  
With a soft 'schluckk' the shielded door closed behind him, and he strode directly to his place,   
ignoring the confused stares of the others. He sat, clenched his eyes closed and put up his   
fiercest look, ensuring, no one would dare to bother him about the sunglasses he wore.  
"Ok, folks, Magneto and his goons once again attacked the city. You know the drill:   
go in, drop a few catchy phrases, and wipe the floor with those creeps. Any questions?"  
Everybody moaned and muttered as they rose and headed for the hanger.  
Logan however, sat frozen in his seat.  
If one would have looked behind his sunglasses, they would have noticed the severe   
twitching of Logan's left eye…  
  
*~  
  
"I am Magneto, leader of the brotherhood and so on, here to avenge and end the suffering of   
every mutant on earth, blah, blah, blah, blah…"  
'I'm getting too old for this' thought Eric by himself.   
Especially, because he was forced to work with no-talent hicks, without style nor taste.  
"That's what happens, when you can only afford to pay minimum wage", Magneto sighed, as he   
deflected another one of Cyke's optic blasts.   
Sabretooth was curled up in a ball, Phoenix making him see fluffy bunnies, cute kittens and   
Disney characters dance around him, singing 'It's a small world after all'.  
Rogue and Nightcrawler were brotherly sharing the punching bag, aka Mystique, who was   
turning a lovely shade of purple.  
Delgado was being chased like a rabbit by Storm's lightning bolts and Gambit's   
charged cards, while Amalia Voght and Bishop had discovered their shared addict for big, violent  
guns and mysteriously disappeared.   
The rest of Magneto's team was frozen into a large ice cube and guarded by Beast, Psylocke,   
Iceman and Angel.  
Only one still on the loose was Toad, and only because Wolverine fought blind, still   
wearing his sunglasses.  
Taunting him, Mort took a leap and, using his tongue, snatched the raybans from the feral's nose.  
"Wath wi' th' ta'cky tha'eth an'wa'?" he griped, as he landed behind the X-Man.  
Growling, Logan swerved around and glared at-  
the tatoo on Toad's crotch, reading 'Eric woz here'.  
He blinked, paled-and threw up all over poor Mortimer Toynbee.  
Needless to say, the raging fight came to a screeching halt…  
  
Feigning nausea, Logan sat at the dining table in the kitchen, his head buried in his arms,   
as the team surrounded him.  
"Oh Logan, I am so terribly sorry, but how was I to know, your blinding would have such a   
desoustrus after-effect? Please, do not hesitate to to tell me your wishes, it is   
the very least I can offer, after all the trouble I caused you!" Storm wailed, as she   
massaged his broad shoulders.  
Several ideas popped into Logan's head, of which he was sure, the windrider woulnd't approve of,   
because they mostly included torture, hot oil and whipped cream.  
"S'okay", he muttered, trying desperately not to look up, when he heard the phone in the   
hall ring.  
Jean went to answer the call, and rushed back a few minutes later, chirping:  
"Logan, everybody, good news, Jubilee just phoned and said, she's going to spend   
summer holidays with us!"  
Clattering and a loud "thud!" was heard, as the feral fell from the chair and fainted dead away.  
***************************************************************************  
Jubilee's on the way, and trouble aswell. Stay tuned, folks. 


	3. You h8 me, don'tcha?

Terribly sorry about the delay, folks. I am momentarily expiriencing a serious case of   
the dreaded writer's block virus, so this chapter might suck.  
But it's really only an intelude..I hope.  
  
Oh, and thanks to everybody for the reviews, they really made my day!  
Now, on with the story..!  
*********************************************************************************  
You h8 me, don'tcha?  
  
  
A beautiful new day dawned over Westchester, New York.  
Birds were singing, the air was crisp and clear, and the sun shone brightly.  
Laying on his bed, Wolverine stared at the ceiling and whimpered.  
Day two with his 'ray vision' had not even begun, and he already was a nervous wreck.  
And to top it off, Bobby had suggested a pool party, to celebrate Jubilee's arrival-  
much to   
everyone's appoval.  
With a quiet sob, Logan rolled out of bed, grabbed his sunglasses from the nightstand and   
faced the inevitable.  
  
All was prepared and everybody waited for the guest of honor.  
Save for Logan, that is, who had volunteered to be the welcoming guilde.  
He really only wanted two minutes alone with her, to explain what had happened, as to not frighten her with his strange behavior.   
She would surely understand.  
  
The small, blue convertible held at the main entry, and Jubilee stepped out.  
Logan, who had heard her coming long ago, opened the door with a broad smile-  
and choked on his "hello".  
Slender, seemingly endless legs curved into ample hips, followed by a narrow waist and a chest, he didn't recall being that voluminous.  
Or decorated with a silver chain, which was pulled throught two nipple rings.  
Positively glowing, Jubilee threw herself at him, cheering:  
"Wolvie, how yare ya, ya big lug?"  
He gasped and yelled:  
"What the fuck are ya wearing?!?"  
Jubilee blinked a few times, then replied:  
"Yeah, nice to see ya again, too. What's with the attitude, dude?"  
Babbling incoherently, Wolverine finally managed:  
"I-I'm sorry, it's just you're..get-up is kinda…well..uhh..offending?"  
Giving him her I-beg-your-pardon-look, Jubilee stated:  
"Logan, they're hot pants. They're supposed to be this short!"  
With that, she stomped passed him, wiggling her barely-clad behind in his face.  
A behind, which sported a tatooed heart, with the words 'Property of LWP' written across it.  
The sever eye-twitch returned.  
  
Growling, or rather whining, Wolverine guarded the grill, turning the burgers and steaks from time to time.  
At least, he was not in danger, having to face any of the others, because it was so hot,   
nobody dared come near the sizzling stove.  
Or so he thought.  
The soft flapping of wings announced Angel's arrival, who landed softly next to Logan,   
and held a sealed pack under the feral's nose.  
Jerking back from the odd smelling box, Logan snarled:  
"What the hell-?"  
"Salmon," replied Warren, "mind to put it on the fire for me?"  
Pulling down his shades, Logan wanted to give him an incredulous glare-  
and doubled over in helpless laughter, when he saw 'Little' Warren.  
"What?" asked his owner confused, and Logan laughed even harder.  
Angel backed away, while muttering:  
"Know, what? I'll just..come again, once you feel-better."  
Wolverine's guffaws had meanwhile turned somewhat hysterical, and Warren got scared.  
Dropping his fish, he swung himself into the air, and went in search for Xavier, as to ask him, to mind-wipe theobviously mad X-Man.  
Who had now resorted to banging his head on the lawn.  
***************************************************************************  
  
Hmmmm, smut, fun, smut, fun, smut...decicions, decicions... 


	4. Not the best of ideas

Whoopsie, almost forgot, you folks still are waiting for this-hope it was worth it!  
  
Thanks again for your reviews, and since you wanted smut, you shall recieve smut.  
  
And to all you Ro/LO shippers: I warned you, this was going to be a W&J story, so stop  
  
crying or head over to 'Pool hunt'!   
  
Anyway, on with this one..!  
  
*********************************************************************************  
  
Not the best if ideas  
  
Every now and then, a small giggle caused him to hiccup, but the worst was over.  
  
He actually even felt rather well now, seeing as he new vision allowed him to get even with Bobby, for a few nasty pranks the kid had pulled on him.   
  
To imagine, Iceman had brought this down on himself.  
  
Wolverine cackled, and the other X-Men around the table inched a little further away.  
  
They would have probably thrown Bobby on the grill, if they had known about the silver   
  
ring with the words 'Mr. B's slut'engraved, Bobby wore around his private parts.   
  
And Bishop would have had a hard time explaining, why he carried the counterpart, reading 'Mr.B'.  
  
*~  
  
With a contended sigh Jubilee plopped onto the soft grass, enjoying the silky feeling on   
  
her bare legs.  
  
She rested her head on her folded arms, and blinked lazily into the sunset.  
  
Life could be so beautiful!  
  
At least it was, before a gruff voice behind her grunted:  
  
"Mind if I join ya?"  
  
Rolling her eyes, she invitingly waved a hand, and the feral crouched down next to her.  
  
Several minutes passed in silence, then Logan asked:  
  
"So, what's with the tatoo?"  
  
"Which one?" she purred.  
  
"The one on your-err, the one I saw peeping out under your, uh..bikini bottom?"  
  
"What about it?" Jubilee asked back, thinking 'so he *has* been staring at my ass!'  
  
"The heart with the letters in it. Who the fuck is this LWP? And why the hell are you his property???"  
  
Smiling smugly, Jubilee turned to face him.  
  
"Who said it was a he?" she snickered-  
  
and regretted it the very second, because Wolverine gasped and clutched the shirt above his heart.  
  
"That's..not..funny..dar..lin'" he managed, then lay there twitching, while his healing factor dealed with the heart attack he suffered.  
  
Crawling to his side, Jubilee rested his head in her lap, and stated:  
  
"Logan, sometimes you are really dense! Can't you guess who LWP is?"  
  
He groaned painfully.  
  
"Jubes please, are ya trying t' kill me in small doses?"  
  
Her fist flew to her hips, and with a frown, she exclaimed:  
  
"Logan Wolverine Patch, sometimes you're as bright as a nail in a barn door!"  
  
For several mintues, the feral just lay there, while his mind tried to make sense of what   
  
she had just said.  
  
And then he jumped up, stared at her and babbled:  
  
"Me? Loverone-I mean Patty-err, Pacho-Paco-Pu-Lu-Waffer-Londo-Logan?!?"  
  
Before Jubilee could even open her mouth for a smart-assed comment, he had grabbed her   
  
around the waist,flipped her over and lifted her short skirt.  
  
"L.Logan. W. Wolverine. P. Patch." he mumbled, as his fingers traced the three letters.  
  
Then he looked closer.  
  
Gulped.  
  
An asked in a very small voice:  
  
"Jubes, why aren't you wearing any..panties?"  
  
The only reply he got consisted of a moaned:  
  
"More, pleease!"  
  
  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Oh, yeah, smut is on it's way...go away, kiddies! Hehehehee... 


	5. Err say, what's that?

*-  
  
Oh my, I all but forgot about this here story...Sorry about the delay, folks!  
  
Again, Standard disclaimer, nothing is mine, and it's-(pulls out a bazooka)  
  
"If you freakin' babies don't turn around this very second, I'm gonna tell your mommies!"  
  
*Ahem.*   
  
Where was I? Oh yeah, it's still 'R'-rated, so don't stay if you ain't(points gun at terrified kid)  
  
"Are you deaf and dumb? Bug off, I said! No children allowed!"  
  
*Cough.*  
  
Yes, well, legal it is, isn't it? Yeah. Legal. So if you are, enjoy.   
  
If you aren't..I still have that spare coffin somewhere...  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Err..say, what's that?  
  
Smiling, Ororo walked softly through the underbrush of the forest.  
  
Could it be, that Logan had come to his senses and realized, she was a woman, too?  
  
Why else should he have commented on her old gown, if not because of adoring her formidable   
  
figure?  
  
'Perhaps he has finally gotten over Jean and is ready to take a chance on me.'  
  
With those happy(and about three dozen very dirty) thoughts, Storm continued on her way.  
  
*-  
  
Jubilee, meanwhile, displayed al the typical behaviours of a horny cat.  
  
She purred, mewled, twisted and rolled in Logan's arms and did a very good job at trying to   
  
wrap herself around him.  
  
The feral, however, still a little dazed, stood there like a deer caught in the headlines.  
  
Finally, he managed to croak:  
  
"Uhh..J-Jubes?"  
  
"Yes..mmrrrrr...?" Sultry was to weak a word to describe Jubilee's voice.  
  
"Aren't ya a lil'..well, ya know, forward? I mean, not that I'm complai-eeeep!"  
  
Wolverine's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, when Jubilee's hand landed on his crotch   
  
and started kneading in a very placative and throughout demanding manner.  
  
And rolled back in his head, when she opened the zipper.  
  
*-  
  
Tenderly, Storm reached for the silky, white flower smiling down on her from a nearby bush.  
  
Holding the stem, she tried to brake off the blossom.  
  
It didn't budge.  
  
Frowning, she pulled harder.  
  
The bush shook, but the flower had no intention to let loose.  
  
Slowly loosing her temper, Ororo teared with all her might, when-  
  
"Crack! Snap! Thud! Ayyeeee! Smack!"  
  
Apparently, the old sycamore had used the smaller bush for support, and, its foothold   
  
weakened, it came crushing down towards a certain terrified weather goddess.  
  
Luckily, she was only grazed by a massive branch and thrown several yards away, where she   
  
connected painfully with an oak and went out like a light.  
  
*-  
  
'Huh, when'd' I land on my back? Oh well...'  
  
Logan's thought drifted off, when his eyes fell on the beautiful woman straddled on his bare   
  
chest, making a nice show of pulling her top off.  
  
Silver caught a ray of sun, and Logan suddenly had the urge, to play with the thin chain.  
  
Bad idea.  
  
Because Jubilee shrieked in pain, glared at him-  
  
and used her fingernails to pierce his 'jewelry'.  
  
*-  
  
Swearing silently to herself, Storm vowed, never ever to touch wildflowers again, and if it   
  
were the most beautiful of orchides.   
  
Her head rang like a bell, her limbs were scratched and the big, purple bruise on her butt   
  
didn't add to her beauty either.  
  
Oh well, she was sure, Logan would not be bothered by that, after all, her face, chest   
  
and..important parts had gone unscorched.   
  
Storm mused idly, if and what he would be adding to her collection of marks.  
  
And blushed furiously, when she imagined a whole different kind of marking.  
  
*-  
  
Logan finally understood the advantages of gymnastics.  
  
The way Jubilee bent back, one leg on the ground, the other in the air, giving him a nice view,   
  
he quickly forgot the pain in his loin, staring and drooling uncontrollably.  
  
She somersaulted, flipped, and landed in a very graceful split.  
  
A low growl was all the warning she got, before she was pounced and thrown on her back.  
  
The split remained for quiet a while, though nowhere near as graceful as before.  
  
*-  
  
With slightly messed up hair, Storm stepped from between the trees onto the clearing.  
  
And then her jaw hit the forest floor.  
  
Because there, sprawled between herbs and honeysuckle, Jubilee did exactly what Storm had   
  
been fantasizing about for the past eighteen minutes or so.  
  
Only a whole lot wilder.  
  
And embarassingly loud.  
  
*-  
  
*****************************************************************************  
  
Hey, hey, don't leave, there's more to it... 


	6. Oh, my jealous goddess!

Terribly sorry about the skunky layout, but somehow, all my formats don't work on ff.net, so you'll just have to take what I got(man, this sucks!).  
  
Ahh, yes, part two of the revelation scene-what do you think, Storm's gonna do? Read, and see if you were right.  
  
*************************************************  
  
Oh, my jealous goddess!  
  
Jubilee's voice grew hoarse. She had been screaming, panting, yowling, purring, begging and-what-not more for what seemed like hours, and was slowly starting to get tired. Not that she really cared.  
  
Because as long as Logan kept up his wild thrusting(along with the kissing, licking, biting and scratching), she didn't mind wind or weather. Or the white-haired, fuming goddess standing there, glaring at her with blazing white eyes. Say what?  
  
Wolverine meanwhile was reduced to a growling sex-slave. A very happy, and very feral sex-slave. With only one thought on the few, still coherently working synapses: 'MOORRRE!!!'  
  
Baring her teeth, Storm flexed her hands, trying desperately to stay calm.  
  
However, all her good intentions flew right out the window, when she heard Jubilee scream in ecstasy. With a thundering "Die, bitch!" she hurled a massive lightning bolt at the lovers.  
  
Adamantium is an extremely dense and nigh on indestructible metal. Sadly enough, it's also as good an electric conduct as water. Which was the reason, that the flash, wich hit Logan's butt, soared along the feral's skeleton and through his body straight into Jubilee's. Who went into an interesting array of spasms, then exploded in a vast firework, leaving behind a stunned and blackened Wolverine, a cloud of smoke and a shocked Storm. For several moments all was silent, then Ororo choked: "Oh my godess, I killed Ken-err, Jubilee!"  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
Hehehee, cliffhanger.I'm so mean, ain't I? 


	7. Uhoh, told ya so!

Bwahahahahahahahaaaa, take this, writers block!(smash!thud!bam!crack!)  
  
Don't mind about me, I'll be fine. Just go on with the story.  
  
Thanks to everybody for the kind and multiple reviews, they are always appreciated!  
  
Oh, btw, storms-rose: Dirty, bad *boy*??? Hmm, looks like mom's in for a *real* surprise, there...  
  
************************************************************************************  
  
Uh-oh, told ya so  
  
Wolverine's body caught up with the new situation several seconds before his brain did.  
  
A loud roar echoed through the forest, and Storm couldn't repress the feeling of painful doom.  
  
Because Logan grabbed and shook her, what caused her teeth to clatter painfully, and snarled:  
  
"Where is mate? What you do to Jubilee?!?"  
  
"Now, now, Logan, you would not want to harm me, do you?" asked Storm nervously, as a   
  
very naked, and very, *very* pissed off Wolverine inched her up against a tree.  
  
"GrrOOWWLL!!!"  
  
Ok, so maybe, he did.  
  
Ororo gulped, and, thinking up a desperate plan, cooed sweetly:  
  
"Listen, I am really sorry about what happened to Jubilation. It was not in my intention to   
  
hurt her in any way. I will help you in every way possible, to bring her back again. And if   
  
you should...long..for a replacement, I am willing to offer myself to you, until we have revived   
  
Jubilee."  
  
"Jubilee's right over here, *darlin'*!"  
  
Both Storm and Logan stared to the other side of the clearing, where a being of pure,   
  
multicolored light stood.  
  
The colors shifted, the light dimmed, and there stood Jubilee in all her-well, glory.  
  
And fury.  
  
"MAATE!" howled Wolverine joyously, leapt at her and grabbed her in a loving glomp.  
  
Jubilee's eyes bulged out, as she was nearly squeezed to death, and turned an interesting shade   
  
of red and blue.  
  
Luckily, she got a firm...*hold* on her lover, and managed to make him sit still.  
  
Then she cracked her knuckles.  
  
And Ororo prepared herself to meet the Bright Lady.  
  
*~  
  
Bobby slouched on his bed, when he noticed the little note between his carefully arranged   
  
disarranged clothes.  
  
Frowning, he got up and went over.  
  
Picking it up, he opened it and read:  
  
'I know your dirty little secret! Meet me at 10.pm at the lakeshore, or everyone will learn   
  
about the ring!'  
  
Naturally, Bobby fainted.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
And naturally, there's another chapter added! 


	8. What's new in the state of Denmark?

I will try to always put up two chapters at once, to make up for the endless delays.  
  
Hope you enjoy this little interlude!  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
What's new in the state of Denmark?  
  
"Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..."  
  
Wolverine was a very happy feral indeed.  
  
Not only had he found his ideal lover, but now he was even being scratched behind the ears.  
  
And fed with the beer, Jubilee had fetched from his secret stash underneath the giant oak.  
  
Nuzzling her naked breasts, he let out a loud, satiated burp, and mumbled drowsily:  
  
"Remind me, ta never ever tick ya off, darlin'."  
  
Jubilee smiled dreamingly.  
  
"And why is that, honey?"  
  
"After what'cha did ta 'Ro, ya gotta ask?" Logan shuddered.  
  
*~  
  
Shocked silence reigned at the dinner table.  
  
Everybody stared at Storm, who kept her black eyes demurely cast down on her salad.  
  
Finally, she had enough, and snapped:  
  
"What?!?"  
  
She immediately regretted her outburst, because her busted lip did not agree with this rigid movement.  
  
Pressing another ice cube on it, she moaned, even as Jean cleared her throat.  
  
"Uh, well, you know, Storm, you do look a little, well-ruffled?" the fake red-head stated lamely.  
  
Storm just glared at her, even as the rest of the team winced.  
  
A bad term to use in someboy's presence, who's hair had been burnt to the root.  
  
*~  
  
Wolverine meanwhile had problems all of his own.  
  
After confessing his temporal handicap to Jubilee, she made him promise, not to keep any   
  
secrets from her again, save he wanted to join the No Angels.  
  
Permanently.  
  
So he also told her about his plans with Bobby.  
  
Two equal feral grins flashed in the setting sun...  
  
*~  
  
"You know, I just don't get it. She used to be such a bad fighter, I mean, really weak, and so   
  
whiney, so I can't understand, how Jubilee manage to beat you up, Ororo. I mean, let's be honest,   
  
Jubilee couldn't beat a drowned kitten on her best day, and now..."  
  
Jean babbled away, oblivious to the fact, that the other X-men had long retreated from the   
  
kitchen and left her alone to face Storm.  
  
And the rapidly growing, pitch-black thunderstorm cloud over her head.  
  
*~  
  
*********************************************************************************  
  
Sorry, but I just can't write a W&J story without making the red bitch suffer..yeah, I know, I   
  
should seek professional help against my hatred.   
  
But still.. DIE, JEAN GREY!!! Ahum. Heh.(sweatdrops) 


	9. Its not my fault

Sheesh, finally, my mail´s working again and I can finish this story-  
  
sorry about the long wait, folks!  
  
stormrose: First, thanks alot for the review, I always appreciate those.  
  
As for Jubilee beating up Storm, remember, that she is not only facing the firecracker  
  
alone, but that there is a certain horny feral coming to Jubilee´s aid aswell.  
  
Oh, and I simply love it, when men behave like cute, horny dogs, that´s why I   
  
wrote Logan this way.  
  
Don´t worry, it won´t last...  
  
Now, on with this sillyness!  
  
#######################################################  
  
It's not my fault!  
  
*~  
  
Bobby shivered in the cool breeze.  
  
Not from cold, but with fear.  
  
He had shown Bishop the note, and the stoic warrior had responded rather odd:  
  
By fainting dead away.  
  
When he had come round, he ordered Bobby to dress up in something 'macho', go to the meet,   
  
and deny their relationship.  
  
No way was he letting anyone know, that his favourite pasttime was not tuning his bike or   
  
sorting out his multiple weapons, but dressing up as female movie characters and singing   
  
Broadway tunes.  
  
"And if you even as much as let slip about the purple teddy or my complete Barbra Streisand   
  
collection, you'll be wearing that ring in your left ear. Comprende?"  
  
So now, here he stood, the heroic Iceman, and waited for-  
  
"You're punctual. I like that."  
  
The stranger in the shadows with the low, raspy voice.  
  
*~  
  
Above, in the tree, Logan grinned.  
  
Jubilee's alterations to his original plan were ingenious.  
  
*~  
  
The first lightning bolt had literally fried her brain, leaving her twitching and babbling   
  
on the floor.  
  
"Now you know, what happened first. Well, sort of."  
  
Storm rose gracefully from her chair(a difficult task to achieve with two sprained ribs),   
  
and staggered over to the barely concious Jean.  
  
Smiling, she grabbed a fistful of Phoenix' red mane.  
  
"As for the hair..."  
  
*~  
  
Bishop meanwhile, had followed his pretty slave.  
  
It was not that he didn't trust his lover, but sometimes, Bobby was so...clumsy,   
  
naive, if you prefered.  
  
Better safe than sorry.  
  
*~  
  
  
  
"You two have been really bad boys, haven't you, Robert? Or did you think, no one would find   
  
out?" Jubilee croaked out in her worst Monet St. Croix-imitation.  
  
Bobby shook his head.  
  
"I have no idea, what you're talking about, Miss. Personally, I think, I'm just   
  
wasting my time here."  
  
"Oh, really? Well, I don't think, Mr. B, would be too pleased, if you disobeyed his orders,   
  
now, would he?"  
  
The deep dent in the lawn, created by Bobby's dropping jaw, proved her right.  
  
*~  
  
Bishop now was in hearing range, and pulled out his binoculars.  
  
The hairs on his back suddenly stood up, but before he could react, he felt a slight prick   
  
on his left shoulder, and then everything went black.  
  
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, always those careless kids", growled Logan, as he grabbed the unconcious soldier   
  
and, hefting him over his shoulder, carried him to the cabin inside the woods.  
  
*~  
  
In the Rec. room, the others were idly playing and discussing, when they heard the screaming and   
  
hitting from the kitchen.  
  
For a few moments, they listened to the gruelsome sounds, then every one turned to Scott.  
  
"So?" queried Hank.  
  
"What?" gave Scott back.  
  
"Uh, well, arent you going to help your wife?" asked Warren, slightly confused.  
  
Cyclops only shrugged.  
  
"She's a big girl, she can take care of herself", he replied.  
  
'Besides', he thought by himself,' if Storm puts her in the Med.-lab, I have the bed all   
  
to myself for a couple of nights.   
  
No more snoring, no more whacking and kicking, no one telling me, what to dress up the next   
  
morning, and maybe, if I'm real lucky, and she's out cold for a few days, I can finally have a   
  
wet dream, that doesn't include or was made up by her!'  
  
Slightly insane snickering escaped Cyke's throat, even as the others backed away.  
  
"Why do such incidents always occur, when the Professor is abroad?" grumbled Beast under his   
  
breath.  
  
**********************************************************************************  
  
No worries, there is more, where this came from... 


	10. Dancing mice are hard to catch

Ok, folks, for your own sanity, shut down your brains. Some of the following images are too   
  
weird for the average brain..ok, you´ve been warned. Go ahead, and enjoy.  
  
#######################################################  
  
Dancing mice are hard to catch  
  
*~  
  
Jubilee nearly choked on her supressed laughter.  
  
Using the image inducer had been a truly ingenious idea of hers, because Bobby didn´t recognize her,   
  
and was getting more and more flustered by the minute.  
  
Time to play her ace.  
  
"You know, I met Hugo the other day, and he told me some very..interesting things. Do you remember Hugo?"  
  
"Hu..go?" Bobby was more than confused. Which Hugo did she..oh no.  
  
"Uh, you don't mean the barkeeper from 'Priscilla's Palace', do you? The one who looks like the love   
  
child of Schwarzenegger and Will Smith?"   
  
"He's my cousin's uncle's brother, who's nephew's sister is her aunt's son. He's family. And I   
  
don't like people making fun of my family!" Jubille hissed.  
  
"I wouldn't dream of it!" yelled Bobby, throwing his hand up in defense, as he took a few steps backwards.  
  
Jubilee grinned, as she aimed for a shot in the dark.  
  
"Well, we met, we talked, and then he mentioned...the show."  
  
"He..you..know about-'My fair lady'???"  
  
Jubilee nodded again, trying desperately to remove the image of Bishop in a white-and-blue   
  
pettycoat from her mind.  
  
*~  
  
Said man woke from a deep slumber, remembering a wonderful dream.  
  
Through his still sleep-fogged eyes, he registered the beautiful decorating, candlelight, music   
  
and Pachouli scent, as well as..the make-up table and various costumes lined up at the walls.  
  
'I must be at Priscilla's' he thought, as he stumbled towards a beautiful cocktail dress,   
  
that simply screamed his name.  
  
*~  
  
"And that, my dear Jean, is how Jubilation managed to beat me!" Storm declared, as she landed a final   
  
'touch' to Jean's new appearance.   
  
One might have thought, these two women had taken the term 'partnerlook' a little too serious.  
  
Both with scorched, bald scalps, equally swollen eyes, twisted joints and busted lips,   
  
although Jean appeared to be a little par the worse.  
  
Probably because her brain was still sizzling inside her skull.  
  
*~  
  
Bobby's mind was racing.   
  
"I..can't do that! Bish's gonna kill me, if I even bring up the idea, let alone pull that stunt!"  
  
"Well, then I see no other possibility, than to tell the others about the ring."  
  
"No wait, wait, I'll- I'll do it."  
  
Bobby sighed.  
  
Sometimes he really wished, he had a backbone.  
  
*~  
  
Logan, on the other hand, wished, he had taken the camcorder along.  
  
The sight of Bishop, swirling about the redecorated cabin, checking out dresses, lipstick and eyeliners,   
  
was simply incredible.   
  
Luckily, he had remembered that drugged Pachouli fragrance, he had stolen from Viper.  
  
Bishop moved to the stereo, checked the CD collection and put in a particular song.  
  
He rushed to the bathroom and, on cue, came out in a clingy, deep-cut, green evening dress,   
  
matching heels and a red wig.  
  
"And..so..you're-back, from outer space, I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face..."  
  
Bishop sang in a false soprano voice, moving his heavy muscled arms with feminine grace to the song.  
  
In his hypnotic state of mind, he never even noticed Logan's howling laughter, wich drifted in   
  
through the closed windows.  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
As you might have noticed by now, a lot of this was inspired by the movie   
  
"Priscilla, Queen of the desert", one of my fav flics-if you haven´t seen it yet, do it now! 


	11. Lost bets and dignities

Ok, I know, what everyone thinks: Ehh, when did this turn into a Bobby/Bishop story?  
  
To be honest, I have no clue.  
  
The story just sort of continued writing itself, although I suppose, my muse had something   
  
to do with it(glares at Line, who only shrugs and disappears in a cloud of red printer ink).  
  
Still, I hope, you enjoy.  
  
#######################################################  
  
Lost bets and dignities  
  
*~  
  
Hank had patched up both Storm and Jean, then restricted the ladies to their respective bed.  
  
Scott came to visit his wife, bringing a bundle of red roses along, while Remy, Rogue,   
  
Kurt, Betsy and Warren carried flowers, candies, cards, stuffed animals and other presents   
  
to Storm's bed.  
  
Frowning, Ororo opened the first card.  
  
'Thanks' stood there in Rogue's writing, the next one with 'Merci beaucoup' was no doubt from   
  
Gambit. Kurt's 'Danke!' and Psylocke's 'Well done, sweetie!' were as characteristic as Angel's   
  
'With sincere gratitude'.   
  
Upon her puzzled expression, a happy chorus of  
  
"She sure had it coming!" sounded through the care ward.  
  
*~  
  
Bishop really gave everything, as he whined:  
  
"..Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl? And they say, she's so lucky, she's a star, but she cry   
  
cry cries, with a lonely heart, thinking, if there's nothing missing in my live, then whyyyyyyyy   
  
do these tears come at night?"  
  
He opened his eyes wide for a perfect puppy-dog-look-  
  
and stared directly into Logan's baffled face.  
  
Crickets sounded in the distance.  
  
Aside of that, everything was quiet.  
  
And then Bishop let out a scream of absolute despair.  
  
*~  
  
Jubilee ran towards the mansion, knowing, Bobby would sooner or later show up at her door.  
  
And there was no way she wanted to miss this.  
  
*~  
  
Bobby meanwhile stared at the pile in front of him.  
  
Oh well, better to get this over with, fast.  
  
At least, he had the perfect excuse.  
  
*~  
  
"Now, honey, don't grovel. Remember what you told me, you read in that women's magazine?   
  
Groveling and frowning cause folds, wrinkles and crawfeet. And you don't want that to happen,   
  
do you?" Scott hushed.  
  
He kissed his wife and said:  
  
"I'll go to bed now, too, so I can get up early and bring you breakfast, how does that sound?"  
  
Barfing and gagging noises from the other X-Men present all but swallowed Jean's reply.  
  
*~  
  
"Care to explain, bub?" grunted Logan, as he pretended to look down on the shocked time-traveler.  
  
The fact, that the 200-and-something-pounds man wore a frilly white lace thong still highly   
  
disturbed him, as did the ring.  
  
Bishop only hiccupped.  
  
As the last remains of the drug swooshed out the door, Logan had opened by entering, the whole   
  
measure of his eerie situation came crushing down on Bishop.  
  
Another choked sob escaped Bishop's throath, as Logan lit a cigar and asked:  
  
"So, what happened? Ya loose a bet, or what?"  
  
And suddenly, Bishop had a desperate, if insane, plan.  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
Ok, wait, just..let..me..get into..my...there. Now you can bring on the flames. 


	12. Welcome to Cabaret, aka Xavier´s

Ok, let me get something straight:  
  
It may appear, that I´m making fun of gay people.  
  
I´m not.  
  
I´m making fun of people, who think, other folks´ opinions about them are more important   
  
than their own happiness. That´s wrong.  
  
Everybody who thinks this way, deserves a note nailed to his/her back, reading:  
  
"Kick me *real* hard!"  
  
So far, all the gay people I ever met, treated me far better than most of the ´straight´ folks-  
  
go figure.  
  
#######################################################  
  
Welcome to Cabaret, aka Xavier's  
  
*~  
  
One by one, the group went back to the rec. room, where they found a rather serious looking   
  
Bobby waiting for them.  
  
When he was sure, he had everyone's attention, he announced in a gravely voice:  
  
"I would like all of you to come down to the Danger Room in fifteen minutes. There is something   
  
I have to show you. If you meet any of the others, tell them to come, too. I'll only do this once."  
  
Then he created an ice-sled and was out the door, before anyone could reply.  
  
*~  
  
"You sure about this, bub?" asked Logan for the umpteenth time, as he followed Bishop, who had   
  
changed into his usual clothes, towards the mansion.  
  
Bishop glared at him.  
  
"It's not like I would be enjoying this, but as I told you, it is a matter of honour. And   
  
if I don't get it right on the first try, he'll make me do it over and over again, until he's satisfied!"  
  
He continued stomping through the grass.  
  
"And as you can imagine, I'd really hate to do that!"  
  
Logan only cocked a brow, as he replied:  
  
"Whatever ya say, bub, whatever ya say!"  
  
*~  
  
The long awaited knock at the door finally came, and Jubilee actually managed to sound annoyed,   
  
when she yelled:  
  
"Come in!"  
  
Bobby stood there, looking as if his best friend had just died, and asked:  
  
"J, I need to borrow your lipgloss and mascara for a prank. Oh, what the hell, just gimme all your   
  
make-up, ok?"  
  
She stared at him, as if he had lost his mind.  
  
"What kinda prank do you need make-up for?"she asked innocently, and Bobby huffed exasperated.  
  
"Listen, the less you know, the bigger the laugh. Now, you gonna help me, or what?"  
  
"Ok, ok, I'll help ya, no need to bite off my head, already!"  
  
Jubilee slurred to her bathroom, and grabbing her carefully prepared necessaire, rummaged through   
  
her bottles of shampoo, mousse, conditioner and the like.  
  
She grumbled and muttered, all the while a wide grin on her face.  
  
*~  
  
Bishop took a deep breath.  
  
No point in stalling this.  
  
He hit the intercom button, and said in a firm, serious voice.  
  
"I want everyone in the Danger Room in twenty minutes. No exceptions."  
  
Logan's face gave away nothing, as he said:  
  
"Ya got guts, I gotta admit that, Bishop. Ya really got guts."  
  
'Too bad, ya lack the brains, ta see through my and Jubilee´s collective sham' he thought by himself.  
  
*~  
  
Bobby nervously tugged on his costume, as he heard the others enter the darkened room.  
  
As he looked up to the observation booth, he saw a bulky figure standing there.  
  
Bishop.  
  
Bobby gulped, it was too late to go back.  
  
Instead, he grabbed the micro, and announced:  
  
"Folks, the reason I called you down here, is because I lost a bet with Bishop. So now, since   
  
I stand to my word, I present you-"  
  
The spotlights went on, showing a large, heavily decorated stage, a group of fake background   
  
singers and Bobby.  
  
Bobby in a blue string dress, white fishnet stockings and black boots.  
  
Bobby wearing an auburn pigtail, cheap jewelry and tons of blue-toned make up.  
  
Bobby singing 'I'm a Barbie girl'.  
  
*~  
  
Everyone was too shocked to react, even as Bobby bowed and left the stage.  
  
Well, save for Logan and Jubilee, who were laughing their guts out.  
  
Again, the light dimmed, and Bishop's voice thundered through the Danger Room.  
  
"As Robert already explained, the two of us made a bet. Sadly enough, both of us lost this   
  
challenge, and since I too stand to my word, I have no other option, than to humilate myself."  
  
Yellow light reflected from golden tresses, white satin gloves and high heels accented the   
  
pink robe, and fake brilliants glittered alluring, as Bishop made Marylin Monroe eat her heart out.  
  
Somewhere in the second verse of 'Diamonds are a girls best friend', Scott's eyes rolled back   
  
in his head, just before the fearless leader hit the floor, with Warren as a close second.  
  
And then the whole Danger Room erupted in laughter.  
  
*~  
  
"That was a real smart move, J, but how did ya know, Bish would go for the 'lost bet' option?"   
  
asked Wolverine, as they lay side by side on her bed.  
  
Jubilee snorted.  
  
"Come on, between you, him and Cable, you share the title for 'super macho'. No way was he   
  
going to do a 'coming out'. Now Bobby, on the other hand, was a little more risky. He could have   
  
remembered, that he is a hero at the wrong moment, or decide to rat out Bish, but I counted   
  
on his loyality for Bishop. And his fear of pain."  
  
She stretched languidly, causing Logan to drool.  
  
Then he remembered something else.  
  
"How did ya know 'bout Hugo?"  
  
Jubilee blushed bright red.  
  
"Well, that was more by accident, ya know. I met this guy at another party, where he was   
  
explaining the barkeep how to mix a really good Canadian Daisy. I asked him, how he knew about   
  
that, and he told me, he's working at this very exclusive gay club, and he described a few of   
  
the..things, that went down there. Ya know, the shows?"  
  
She cleared her throat, then continued.  
  
"Anyway, I didn't see the connection, until you told me about the flyer in Bish's back pocket,   
  
and when I heard the name of the club, it all clicked into place."  
  
Logan stared at her in admiration.  
  
"Yer as smart as yer beautiful, darlin', ya know that?"  
  
Jubilee giggled.  
  
"Sure thing. I even remembered to put up the surveillance camera in the cabin", she muttered,   
  
and Logan blinked.  
  
"Camera? In..the-cabin??"  
  
Jubilee nodded, and Logan lost the fight against his laughter, as he remembered Bishop's Liza   
  
Minelly impersonation.  
  
He lost the fight against his inner beast, too, when Jubilee straddled his hips, and started   
  
rocking in slow, sensual motions...  
  
*~Epilogue  
  
Silently, the lone figure snuck through the deserted halls of the mansion.  
  
As it reached the sub-basement, it carefully, quietly, shut all doors leading to and from   
  
the Danger Room.  
  
The person then let itself in the control booth, and, taking a seat, pulled up a particular file.  
  
A wide, happy grin spread across the intruder's face, as Bobby reappeared on stage, all blue   
  
and girlish.  
  
"Dreams can come true.." resonated from his lips, as Scott moved his hand to his crotch...  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Bwahahahahahahaaa, ya didn´t tink, I would let you off the hook with that sweet lime-  
  
scented scene, did you? Yes, I know, llllleeeeeeeewwwwwwddd!(Chuckle!)   
  
Thank you, for reading, reviewing and, most of all, staying with me on this, even if it   
  
didn´t turn out like I thought it would.  
  
I´ll try to do better, next time...^^  
  
See you around, folks! 


End file.
